I just had to wait the whole weekend to let you know what Rocky’s decision was, didn’t I?
So, from when I wrote the letter, to sitting here now, typing this blog, I will give you the deets.
Originally, I wrote the letter on Wednesday evening last week, but on Thursday morning I found that I needed to do quite a bit of editing, as the first letter was waaaaay too forward, coming from someone who is trying to convince someone else of making a pretty big change of heart. Yes, even more so than the one I eventually posted.
It took over an hour after the final edits to convince myself to actually put the letter up. When I finally decided that I have nothing to lose, I posted and then proceeded to regret it for another three hours thereafter. At this point, I was slowly starting to convince myself that I still have nothing to lose, and so I started to calm down and went about my day as usual. I didn’t nag on myself, I didn’t check in on Rocky to see if he got my letter and I didn’t check my phone every two minutes.
After getting over the shock of going so far out of character with this letter, I found that I was ok with whatever decision Rocky ended up making, even though I was furiously hoping that he’d accept me as his submissive again. I appreciate that there are always consequences to any action and I was, after all, the one who initially ended things. It was simply based on choices I made toward my own happiness that I finally sucked it up and wrote the letter.
It was only when I woke up on Friday morning that I saw the message Rocky sent me the night before –
Now, I am not sure if there is a sub alive who does not react to this question, but that is not me! I did an actual jig while lying flat on my back under my covers in bed. You! You! You! I belong to you!!!! (Yeah, I am doing a shoulder bob and a little head nodding as I write this.) Friday started out really good…
Unfortunately for me, the man seemed to have brought his crazy week into his weekend, and so I hardly got to make any real contact with him. There were only a handful of times that he said a sentence that pertained more than two or three words, and one of them includes a joke he sent me early on Saturday morning. By Sunday evening I was starting to feel a little worried but decided that I will let it go and hope for a better outcome when the new week starts.
And then today…. Nope, I’m going to have to check what’s going on at some point. Even though he is more relaxed with me today, we are still stuck on three words per message… Something is up, and has been for some weeks. I reckon he might not want to talk to me about it, but he’s systematically retreating and I find myself thinking that he is as lonely and distracted as I am. I can spot the signs of unhappiness, and he has some of them.
The good news is, it isn’t me! In fact, I think I am one place where he doesn’t have any of his daily pressures. I am working hard to not feel too displaced with the way he has been communicating with me, I don’t think he is in the right space and he isn’t pushing me away. So, I’m torn between prompting him for reaction and giving him space. And I worry that if I give him space, our relationship might suffer, especially since it is in a reparative state right now.
Then again, I might be seeing things that aren’t there.
Although I doubt that.
Time, he needs a bit of time. I will give him that. In the mean time, I will think of him every moment I’ve got, I will do everything he asks of me and I will be as good a submissive to him as I can be. There is a lot of work here on my part, but I consider it part of my growth. And if it pleases my Dom, then I am a very contented sub.
So, basically, Rocky chose to accept me as his submissive again. And this makes me terribly giddy. Even though this weekend has been different in terms of the way we’ve always communicated, I reckon that I am counting my blessings. I have an amazing Dom. Mine! There is very little more I can ask for right now.